I got called the F word at the pool last night. I was so ashamed standing in the adult therapy pool at the YMCA.
It was the start of March Break and it seemed every parent in town had dropped their kids off at the pool. The main pool was packed so big laps were not possible. I had settled on the adult therapy pool for some mini laps.
Thats when it happened.
A group of 2 teenage guys and a teenage girl in the pool were dissecting everyone’s body who was in the pool. I was the F word.
I had 2 options at that minute. Either call the guy out or let it go since it was a public place. I decided to let it go.
The Y has become my place of inner peace.
I’ve had a major weigh gain in the past year and it’s made me absolutely miserable. I had lost a lot of weigh and faced a difficult year and went majorly out of control.
and I gained weight.
Like any other normal human being but honestly I am so ashamed. I worked so hard and let everything turn to shit because suddenly I needed comfort food to deal with everything.
I feel this major sense of disappointment coming from directions. All though I think it’s mostly made up in my head.
I have been attempting to lose weigh but been having a miserable time doing it. The disappointment I haven’t overcame yet and its sabotaging my effects.
Is this the push I need to get back to me?
I think so.
I’m going to Toronto in a few months and I am so excited. I can’t wait to see the city again, shop and explore.
A week off of work, a chance to travel and even more exciting a plane ride. I get to see two friends join in matrimony .
There’s just one thing though that’s been bothering me.
I’m not over her death.
I miss her every day and think about her a lot.
She was taken away to early, to quickly and left a battle field of pain and sorrow for my family.
I wish she could have met the man I fell in love with.
It hasn’t even been a year since my Aunt left us in the world.
Today was one of the truly bad days I’ve had in a long time.
So the Commander’s parent dropped off a cat for us to watch and the thing.. Is so hateful.
So every night since it’s been here it starts crying and meowing at 2am in the morning and I’m like…Are you fucking kidding me?
So I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since Friday night?
Sooo… I overslept, and was an hour late to work which was horrible. I am never late for work. My Mom texted me and was like shit happens and ya know.. she’s right but at the moment of panic waking up and oh my god I’m late.. It doesn’t help. I love my mom and I appreciate her SO much.
Than there was work shift but the day got better because Tuesday night was trivia. My friend from work came and she got along so well with everyone in our group.
Tomorrow is back to the gym!
To high school reunion or not to high school reunion?
That thy question on my mind and making it hard to go to bed tonight because it’s a lot on my mind.
So about a week ago I got an invite to our 2004 10 year school high school reunion yay..not.
I went to high school with a lot of big dicks that I don’t think ever grew up out of the ‘bubble’ of where I grew up.
I left that bubble. I didn’t fit into that bubble. The dicks I went to high school made it quite obvious I didn’t fit in.
Now not everyone is a dick but ya know..
I don’t think I’m going to go.
I live by my rules.
‘ If I haven’t contacted you in 10 years, there’s probably a reason why.’
So unfortunately I didn’t become Ms Super Gym Girl today. I ended up being Ms Pukes a lot which is horrible.
I noticed yesterday I had a lot of heart burn and didn’t really understand why . Last night at 2am I woke up with the most horrible stomach pain and I knew. The fly had caught me which really sucks because 3 weeks ago I had the same flu!
I spent today sleeping in bed and watching The Hills on MTV.ca’s classics.
I was so disappointed with myself.
That’s one of my problems though.
I hold myself to such a high standard and when I don’t meet that standard than I shred myself to death.
I need to let myself have room to make mistakes.
I’m having a quiet day.
My Mom spent the weekend and we had a great time.
So Friday night we went to Montana’s for supper and than went to my house for wine, sons of anarchy and jammies!
I woke up early Saturday morning because I had an appointment with Keith. I went back to bed and I didn’t get up till 12pm. Same as Mom because she was tired. Bagels, cream cheese and coffee for breakfast than we shopped till 430. Supper at Eastside Marios, jammies, wine and sons of anarchy again!
So while Mom was down I had done it.
I joined the YMCA.
I got a plus membership for now that includes towel service, steam room and hot tub. I know it’s weird I went for a plus membership but I don’t want to have to lug around wet towel and a wet swim suit.
My gym bag is packed.
I had to play the adult today.
Which really sucks.
Between gaining weight and never finding that happy medium with myself decisions are hard.
So today while taking a moment to breath at work I had to look at some options for gyms.
Good Life is out. From their run down equipment to poorly ran classes, I marked that out. I joined Good Life in January of 2013 . I went a lot but after getting fed up with the way the gym was ran.I decided after my contract was up, I was done.
Infact I am done with gym contracts all together.
So I looked at pink fitness which I’m in love with the idea but not the 3 business to get there and home.
I think I made my decision of going with the local YMCA.
It was a hard decision because I really had my heart set on Pink Fitness. Pink Fitness is a lot more expensive than YMCA and Good Life. It’s really not in the budget right now. I have an out of town wedding in April I am focusing on.
I’m focusing on the best things about YMCA, like the free lane swim every evening from 730 to 10 on tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays. On Mondays and Fridays I have the adult therapy pool which I love doing laps in.
All though tonight I did treat myself to a splurge at Old Navy where I got some nice yoga pants and tshirts. Plus active wear socks and PJ PANTS!
There’s always a shadow following me.
It’s that black cloud that hangs over my head 24/7. Sometimes it dissipates for a bit but than it comes back.
January is the worse because it keeps going and going. There’s no end in sight because of the bleakness.
I am trying hard to not let even though sometimes I just feel so down.
I am a fighter.
Stalking Facebook people from high school who hated you is the worse thing you can do when your already feeling low.
I hated High School .
I never had the stereotypical high school experience.
I never had friends, I never went to parties nor did I make any High School memories. I mean, I had ‘friends’ but they were always the wrong kind.
My best friend is someone who I met the very last semester of high school funny enough. We’re best friends to this day, even though she’s 4 hours away and we over Skype. We are there for each other through and through.
I’ve been thinking of my new years resolutions. I think their suppose to be done by January 1 but hey I don’t live by the rules sometimes.
I’m trying to figure out how to cut the negativity in my life.